We have different types of relationships – relationships with our spouse, kids, parents, friends, co-workers, etc. How can we learn to develop a positive relationship in all of these relationships? Is the quantity or quality of time spent that really matters in a relationship? Find out more in this video …
Video Transcript and Relevant Links
We develop positive relationships when we are present, when we are available for others, and when we spend quality time with others.
I’ll tell you a little story to explain this. I live in Boston in the United States, and I grew up in India and my parents still live in India. I go back every year to visit my parents for about two weeks. I have roughly around two weeks of vacation and I take advantage of that to visit my parents every year.
In the past when I’ve gone back home visiting my parents and at the end of the two weeks when I’m heading back to the U.S. my mom would tell me it didn’t seem like, the time seemed very short and you’re leaving so soon. And I would tell my parents that you know I have only two weeks that I can take off at a time and come and visit. I can’t extend my stay. And she would understand, and I would come back to the U.S.
But more in the recent past and the last four/five years when I’ve gone back to India and I’ve stayed for the same duration of two weeks. But when I was heading back to the U.S., she told me that this time when you were here it felt like you were here. It felt like the time seemed longer with you. I pondered on that for a little while. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it when she said it. But later on, I realized it’s the quality of time that I spent with my parents that made the difference. In the past when I would, in the two weeks that I was there though I was physically present I would be mentally checked out.
I would either be distracted in thoughts, lost in thoughts or I would be on my computer or phone or be distracted by one or the phone or the computers or I would be preparing in my mind what to tell my parents before they finished their thought. So even though I was present, I was not mentally present. And more recently what I’ve noticed is with my regular practice of meditation made a big difference in my ability to stay present, and my parents started to notice that.
So when I was there, in the last few years when I was there, I was physically present, and I was also mentally present. So, when my parents were talking to me, I was not distracted in my own thoughts or I wasn’t distracted with computers or my phones or text messaging or any of those instant messaging things. I was much more present to listen to what my parents had to say and respond accordingly. And this is, I think this is one of the most key things to develop positive relationships.
I think it’s the secret to develop positive relationships. Your ability to be present and be fully there for the other person. You will notice that they can connect with you much better. You would have experienced yourself if you’re speaking to a friend or anyone for that matter, but they are lost in thought. They are not really present. How does it feel? It almost feels like you’re talking to a brick wall isn’t it?
And when you’re doing that automatically the connection, the relationship doesn’t grow. But the moment you are present and your ability to connect with the other person becomes so much better. And I did this through meditation. And I encourage you to try it out as well. With regular practice of meditation your ability to live present becomes much more. It’s really not the quantity of time that we spend with people that matters. It’s the quality of time that really matters and that quality comes when we stay present.
I was able to improve this state of mind, this quality of my time to be with people by meditation and I encourage you to try it as well. With regular practice of meditation your ability to live present, your ability to handle your distracted mind, your distracted thoughts become much easier and so go ahead and try meditation out and see how that can help you improve your quality of relationship.
If you enjoyed this video leave me a comment or a question and I look forward to seeing the next video.